“It’s okay for people to go separate ways in relationships after they realize they are outgrowing their partners,” said someone during a recent conversation. I couldn’t help but agree and disagree at the same time. Yes, it is rightfully and sensibly okay to go separate ways when two people in a relationship experience misalignment of values, life goals, or even just the idea of daily life. But, on the subject of outgrowing, I have my doubts. When we think we outgrow someone, we imply that we are above them. We become their judge when we know we are not.
In my perspective, outgrowing comes from wanting more power over a person or recognizing that we are already more powerful. This thought process might help to an extent—in recalibrating life and getting a hold of things after realizing that we are no longer compatible or co-habitable with someone. But, in the whole idea of outgrowing, there is an implicit sense that we think we are better than them. Is that objectively true? I don’t think so. Does that do anyone any good? I don’t think so. We indeed grow apart from people because we ‘grow differently’ from them in some aspects of life. Relationships, however, are not a game of ‘who’s better, who’s worse!’ So, saying we are outgrowing someone can be an act of belittling their humanity and their choice.
Aprajita Jha
"I am one, but I am not the only one; hardships and happiness, both spare no one." Governed by this quote that I've written, I try to live each day with courage, care, and compassion.