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Episode 1: Letters to Myself

Hi, Aprajita!

How’re you doing? I know this letter will not find you in good health. Yet still, you’ll read it receptively.

Please don’t mistake this one for a gratitude letter. I’m sure I’ve been thanking you enough now and then. This is just my effort to express myself to you. Don’t raise your eyebrow yet. I know you reflect. You often talk to me in your head. But I know how at times, I’ve been unresponsive to your questions and meanderings. Ever wondered why? I did not know what to say. Your questions sometimes seemed to have answers hidden in them. Only you did not see.

You know how people look at you like a sorted, mature person. But they only see that. They don’t see me. They don’t see the intrinsic intricacy of you. Of I. The baggage that you carry. The thoughts the make you worry. The struggles that make you walk gingerly. The tears that you want to cry but you’re only lucky to shed them sometimes. They don’t see how you stare at me in the mirror. As if looking at the whole universe. Also as if looking at nothing at all. They don’t see how scared you are before writing every word because you’re giving it away. You’re giving your soul away for people to examine and form perspectives on.

But despite it all, I see you smiling with gratification. Thinking reasonably. Expressing heartily. Learning continuously. Listening keenly. Breathing ecstatically. Well, none of these are extraordinary. No, they aren’t at all. You’re an ordinary person. And you should remind yourself: “this is how I want to be living everyday.

Well, what’s more to say? I guess now I’ll just let you be.

I just want you to remember to let it go at times. Yet, hang in there. There’s still a lot to see.

Go back to doing what you were.


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